Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
