is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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