He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
