Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
