It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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