The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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