I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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