dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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