And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
