So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
