oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
