You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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