why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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