She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
