So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
