Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
