If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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