omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
