Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just pee around me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
