If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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