Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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