I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
