Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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