I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
