So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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