i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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