haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
