He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
