she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
