I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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