Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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