Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We need to rekindle our bromance
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
