I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
