Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
