SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
