I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
