Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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