I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
