Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
