Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
