Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
