Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
