The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
