never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So many bounce houses so little time
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize