I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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