so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish you could order shots online.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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