Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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