i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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