Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
