Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
