He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
