Just cropdusted the office
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
