i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
