Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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